Cast: Akshay Kumar, Amy Jackson, Lara Dutta, Kay Kay Menon
Before we get to the business end of this review, here’s a quick take on why Akshay Kumar’s Singh Is Bliing could well be the last word on puerile humour Bollywood tries so hard to excel in often. Because it’s a film where 54-year-old Rati Agnihotri plays mother to 48-year-old Akshay Kumar (Ok, we admit, it’s not extreme). But this? Because it’s a film where it’s director, Prabhudheva, appears on screen only to pee on other characters. Because it’s a film where Kay Kay Menon keeps repeating ‘I am too good, na.’ Because it’s a film where Lara Dutta seduces people just to hit at their private parts with a coconut. Because, it’s a film where Yograj Singh draws weird heart-shaped caricatures to show his son’s romantic involvement with a non-Hindi speaking Amy Jackson.
You get the drift? There is nothing shining in Singh Is Bling.
Raftaar Singh (Akshay Kumar) lives in Punjab’s Bassi Pathana village with his colourful family. Our happy-go-lucky guy is the quintessential man with a golden heart. But for one big flaw: he leaves things half done. One day, tired of his antics, Raftaar’s father (Yograj Singh) gives him two options: Either marry an overweight Sweetie or shift bag and baggage to Goa to do a job. Raftaar refuses to marry Sweetie because ‘Wo kushti ladney ki cheez hai, shaadi ki nahi.’
In another part of the world, Romania to be precise, around the same time, Mark (Kay Kay Menon) has become the don of an underworld gang, and he has his eyes set on Sara (Amy Jackson), daughter of another don. He must act soon… because he now has a new enemy. Raftaar Singh! Who? When? How? Goa? If you are as bewildered as me, go watch any of these Prabhudheva film — R…Rajkumar, Ramaiya Vastavaiya and Action Jackson — and you’ll get the drift.
Anything happens at any time in Singh Is Bliing. Take this: Raftaar Singh is once described as ‘Do log aur ek sardaar aaye hain,’ and he responds to it by dancing to the tunes of ‘Mera dil kare chun chaan’. Raftaar is a ‘gaonwaala’, reason why he cannot understand English words like ‘kick’, ‘ass’ or ‘idiot’.
The insanity continues. Now, Raftaar hires a ‘chashmish aurat’ (bespectacled lady) Emily (Lara Dutta) as a translator, but this woman has a fetish for breaking balls of youngsters she remains friendly with during the daytime. Yes, I know, this sounds surreal, but trust me, watching Lara Dutta doing all this nonsense in the name of comedy is even more surreal than reading this.
Sara is a champ as she knows every form of modern warfare. She also knows how to dance in chiffon sarees in the middle of mustard fields. Now, she is in Punjab. Otherwise, how would you sail through this mindless saga of 140-minutes!
Wait, the torture doesn’t end here. Amy Jacskon is also made to dance to a number called ‘Cinema dekhe mamma’.
Did you just ask what’s the film’s story. Singh Is Bliing has absolutely no story to offer. Instead, what it has in plenty are some stale jokes and moronic background sound effects. Things go so unplanned in the film that when Prabhudheva arrives on the screen in a pissing scene, it actually works as a metaphor. Any self respecting viewer would feel the stink.
Akshay Kumar, who has a great comic timing otherwise, has been reduced to a mere loud-mouth. Most of his jokes fall flat. His dialogues are so predictable that you complete them even before he starts the sentence. Still, he is the most tolerable among all the actors, but clearly that’s not enough. Amy Jackson is just a pretty face doing rounds in bikini. It’s better to not say anything about Kay Kay and Lara Dutta. Everytime Kay Kay’s character says, ‘I am too good,’ you cringe. The role itself was badly written, and he makes it even worse. He can give newcomers a lesson in overacting. Lara Dutta would also not like to remember Singh Is Bliing for long.
Prabhudheva’s Singh Is Bliing is a tiring, immature and half-hearted attempt at filmmaking. Devoid of story, characterisation and plots, this is torture in the name of comedy. Singh Is Bliing is absolutely unfunny.
I felt bad for the guy who asked me at the end of the film, “Why does Akshay Kumar wear folded trouser in one leg?” Poor guy. As if there’s logic to other things in the film.